...

Had I not left that day,

I would have known the color of your face,

if I had stayed,

I could have seen,

the tinge of earthen red on your face,

or sky full of blue in your gaze.

Had I not left,

I would have seen how your fingers

grip my hand,

If had stayed I could have seen,

the night

in the black of your eyes,

or maybe some stars lighting your face.

I would have seen you pacing up and down

with anger,

I would have seen you quite in one corner,

or joyous and bird like,

or maybe,

intently starring at my face.

But the moment passed,

for me like years,

gathered in a photocase,

glossed with some smiles,

some wishes and some tired sighs.

And I relaised I had stood there

all that while,

I had never left

the place.

I play

I play with the shadows on my wall,

I play to deal with the stories of the day,

I play to leave behind what growing up I have done,

I play to keep the devil at bay,

I play with the imprints my closed fists

created on my hand,

I play to carve a face,

I play to ask the questions I keep finding answers to,

I play to erase all, any trace.

I play with the stories entangled in my hair,

I play to comb down the fears,

I play for in them I don't miss the night,

I play to tie down the pain.

I play,

with my life,

with my fate,

with the marks on my face.

I love,

with my breaths,

with my desire

every game you want me to play.

Confused

The warmth of the familiar day,

or the mysterious new moon night.

The chirpy birds on every branch,

or on my skin the first touch of the moon light.

I have embraced nothing,

but the love I had for you all this while.

Empty as it may be,

memories crawl in with every sigh.

The silence of the night speaks to me,

in a language I cannot understand,

I hope its just singing a song

on its own and not signaling me to some new bend.

I want to leave you behind,

see the new shores,

see who is me,

see if I can hold on to this smile,

Would you call it love if I crawled back inside

or if I grow wings to soar up high.

Would you call it love if I walk with my heartbeats

or with the reasonable whips of mind.

Am I really lost,

or just scared,

Do I have the answers

or have not asked the questions yet,

A new flower in the garden,

loses a petal with the wind ...

I wish I had no control,

I wish i could control the time.

For you

Maybe its as simple as a flower

blossoming in the spring

to get me right,

Maybe I am just a one brush stroke

away from the complete portrait

on your canvas.

Maybe I am as easy to get

as a bashful smile

on the wedding night.

Maybe I am as transparent as

a naked bird, flightless,

on a barren land...

why then, I stand watching you go blank

I think sometimes to myself,

i ll blossom with different petals,

rearrange some lines on your canvas,

turn away with your first touch..

or just fly!

but I am me ...

and maybe, just maybe

I ll stay this way.. so you won't miss me.

I am dipping myself,

while you sleep in the lap of misty night,

in the colors of the morning sky...

Ill paint a different morning on your window pane...

warm orange and bright,

Just come out to the light,

you might see me clearly,

in a flower, color or an emotion..

...

Light in the beautiful jar,

I had preserved for so long,

I had in my arms the leafs evergreen

and wrapped around my body,

a blossomy sheet.

I had waited eyes closed,

with my back on the window of the night

I knew I had the universe,

sun, moon, stars inside.

Something changed, not with age,

but I have scars on my face,

Clenching the window side,

at the mystical night now I stare.

The beauty has blessed my eyes,

but inside i lie bare.

Lifeless,

hurtful, I am not vacant,

Lost,

scared, I am just not there.

Wait

I am burning like a lamp

in the longing of ur footsteps

to stop at my door.

I am here not there,

I am in the music,

my mind makes, while it searches for your fragrance

on the sheets of the night,

What are tears, or a smile,

my face only knows wait,

i dunno how that looks,

but you will recognize me

there is yearning in my gaze.

I look calm, I am pale,

I am featherless,

though not fettered, i just sit their and wait,

Even when I am not there,

I am in the music,

my mind creates, while it searches for the threads

of our fate.

When you come, walk slowly,

and pass by me,

When you come, don't touch

or disturb my gaze,

the stillness I will lose,

this color on my face will fade,

I am myself,

waiting for you...

just don't take it away.

I have looked in many eyes,

lying close to the other

I might have loved.

I have admired my eyes,

in their eyes,

or shied away but,

never was I lost.

You are strikingly familiar,

but the stories are so similar, that I hear

from the hush-hush of the streets.

You have lost your color,

but painstakingly,

your essence

still sticks on my hand.